An Open Letter To My Body
To my marked up, wounded, and beautiful body
I’ve known you for almost 25 years and we’ve had some serious ups and downs haven’t we?
You are never given enough credit or complimented enough for how incredibly beautiful you are. Every day, in front of the mirror, my eyes look at you in disgust. I notice the stretch marks hidden under the waistband of my favorite leggings, the bulges of skin here and there, and the parts of you that are weak.
Stretch marks are from growing. Many people have them and there’s nothing to feel ashamed about, yet I have felt ashamed anyway. The parts of you that are weakening make me feel weak but without all the work you do we would be worse off.
So I’m here to say I’m sorry….
I’m sorry for all the times I called you “ fat”
I’m sorry for all the times I called you “ugly”
I’m sorry for all the times I called you “weak”
I’m sorry for feeling disgusted with you
I’m sorry for all the times I starved you.
I’m sorry for all the times I restricted you.
I’m sorry for pushing you even when you were trying to tell me to slow down.
I’m sorry for being angry at you because of a disease that you didn’t choose to have.
I’m sorry for not listening to you sooner.
I’m sorry for not accepting every part of you.
I’m sorry for trying to squeeze you into a smaller size
I’m sorry for comparing you to others.
I’m sorry for all the many times abused you trying to get skinny.
I’m sorry for the body shaming I did while I stood in front of the mirror.
I’m sorry for being the biggest bully when all you have done is love me.
I’m sorry for everything and hope you can forgive me.
I’m sorry I took advantage of you for so long. Now in order for us to stay mobile as long as possible, we have to work together. The monster called MS has made us weaker and there are days that I blame you.
I know I shouldn’t but when I feel weak you’re the easiest one to blame.
We never thought that we would go through a battle this hard at such a young age. I’m happy that God gave me the body that I have to fight this horrible disease.
You are everything to me.
Without you, I would not be who I am today or even look remotely the same. I’m sorry that I have not cared enough for you. I haven’t been more thankful to have you or more confident in you. From now on I am going to try my hardest to see you as the beautiful and strong body that God gave me.
I promise that from this day forward…
I will fuel you with the right fuel
I will listen to you when you tell me to slow down
I will look at your strong instead of weak
I will ignore the parts of you that are weakening because I know it hurts you too
I will ignore your flaws and focus on the things that make you beautiful
I will help you fight when you feel too weak to move
And I will help others understand what you’re going through
But most of all, I promise that we are in this fight together forever. God has a plan for us and I trust him. There will be hard days when neither of us feel like we can carry on. But I promise we’ll make it because we have already overcome more than we ever thought we could.
So, will you listen to my quivering voice as I pour out my love to you on paper? Will you forgive me? I’ve wasted far too many years wishing that you were different and it’s gotten me nowhere. You were given to me and I love you, dear body, and I accept you, dear body.
Because of you, I am alive and you have shown me what unconditional love really is.
And I’m really lucky you’re mine.
Dear body, I’m sorry I treated you this way. I promise to do better and treat you with the respect you deserve. Sincerely, Me
Why I wrote this letter and where have I been…
For you to understand why I felt the need to write this letter I need to explain to you why haven’t posted for almost 2 weeks….
The past two weeks I’ve gone through something I’ve gone through many times before. An MS relapse
During these relapses when my body is at its weakest I find myself angry at my weakening body instead of praising its strengths. Even though I know my body and I have no control over multiple sclerosis, I find myself disappointed in the weakness that has begun to take over my body.
While it’s a normal reaction to feel this way I owe myself more.
I had a realization during this last two weeks that I have not treated my body with enough respect. So writing this letter was the first step to creating a healthy and happy relationship with myself.
A relationship that is not only mentally stronger than my weaknesses but also physically strong enough to adapt to my ever changing body.
I encourage you to take the time to write a letter to yourself and your body. If you decide to share it online leave a link in the comments. I would love to read what you would like to say to your body.
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